re-Discovering Sophonie

black blogger, black girl blogger, black woman writer, blog, healing, inspiration, inspirational blog, mental health

Today is Sunday, August the 8th, 2021. A few days ago I experienced something within a dating situation that really threw me off guard. Dating is not my favorite thing to do nor is it my favorite subject. However, if there is one thing dating always does for me, is allow me the chance to get into a mode of introspection. I am not one to say that I am flawless because that would be the furthest thing from the truth. I am flaw filled and fully aware of that. So although I would have enjoyed that dating experience to continue further in terms of us getting to know each other, I refuse to have any negative blood towards that person. I truly think that we were simply not aligned and that is okay.

Now what does this have to do with the title of this blog? You know there is always a method to my madness, so here it goes. Towards the end of June, I moved to Delaware. A few years back I could never see myself here but it has truly brought a newfound peace to my life. I’ve always been a city girl, no matter what state I resided in and I thought Jersey was it forever. But it was time for a change. I laugh at myself because when the idea was first brought up by my sister, I thought to myself, “What the hell is there to do in Delaware and also how am I going to flourish creatively?”

Anyways, right before moving, I had my very last therapy session since my insurance would no longer be valid since I had to leave my full time job. I recall my therapist asking me, “What would you call this phase of your life?” I replied by saying, “Discovering Sophonie.” That phrase felt so fitting and still does.

For the purpose of this blog, I added the prefix “re-,” because truth is I think that as children we know ourselves pretty well. It is the world that taints us and eventually we lose sense of who we truly are. Then when we get older, we become bitter in ways that makes no sense until we do the inner work. We begin to wonder why do we view ourselves negatively or even others? What about our inner child was so wounded that we now aren’t able to function freely and simply be who we are? We begin to feel lost or just out of place in damn near every section of our lives.

I have been experiencing this for maybe the last 5 years or so of my life. Trying to re-discover myself. As a child acting and writing were the only things I could seriously see myself doing as a career. Then in middle school, I discovered my love of Psychology and I added that to my list of passions. Now at 27, I sit here feeling out of place more times than not because I have not found the way to make any of these passions turn into an actual career. It feels like the last few years I have simply been playing ring around the rosie with life. No actual direction.

Regardless of those feelings, I am learning that the real issue is never centering myself enough to fully and truly understand what my own needs are. Allowing what I’ve been conditioned to believe about myself due to society, religion and family infiltrate my mind is what tends to hold me back. The idea that we don’t care what others say or think about us is genuinely bullshit for most of us. I’ve said it so many times but have never fully believed it myself. I do care how others feel about me and that is exactly why I tend to suffer.

I am not saying any of this for sympathy or even empathy at that but rather opening up the conversation that in order for us to actually heal, we have to be willing to accept and be ourselves regardless of what others think. You can still care about their opinions but allowing those opinions to stop you from living your life will never get you far in life.

The journey of healing is one that is constant, just as life is. So long as we are alive, I believe we have the opportunity to continue healing and ultimately grow. I may not fully understand this phase of my life but I guess that is the focal point of it. After all, it is a moment to rediscover who I am, what I want, what I need and where I want my life to be. No matter how many people or friends I go to for advice, the only person who can help along this discovery of self, is me.

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Recharge Your Battery

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DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

With all this access to information left, right, upside down and right side up, a lot of us can get swept up into the rug of panic at any given moment. Often times before we even consider what it actually going, we freak the f*ck out. Well I am here to tell you…I do the same thing and often. As a person who often battles bouts of depression and anxiety, there are times when this wealth of information before me can cause me to remain in an internal battle all day, every day. Sometimes I think that those who came before me had it easy for a few reasons. For one they weren’t inundated with the access we have now to all the current topics, trends, tweets and such. Regardless, each generation has their cross to carry and burdens to bury. I say all that to say a lot of the current events in the world and in this country has been weighing heavy on my heart adding onto my personal issues.

Regardless, each generation has their cross to carry and burdens to bury.

Thus, as of late I have been feeling a bit hypocritical of my actions. Here I am this individual who feels called to inspire others and be a motivating force but I am stuck in a feeling where I can barely do the same for myself. How does that even work? I sometimes search for hope within myself but all I get back in return is a sheer sense of hopelessness. This is why it is important to surround yourself with individuals who are willing to and capable of uplifting you when you no longer feel the power to uplift yourself. Throughout my life I have served others more than I’ve done so for myself, and sometimes that can get quite draining. It is now in this current personal development phase within my life that I more in tune with the needs of me. I understand the importance of charging my battery before charging the battery of others.

In just one month I will be 23 years old and one of my goals for that age is to live a life more radical than I ever have in the past. But, that will require some work. One part of that works is being consistent with fueling my energy before trying to do so for others. You know when you get on the plane and the flight attendant explains the emergency plan, the first thing they say about the mask is to place onto your face first THEN onto the person you helping. If you are someone who is currently working or planning to work in a field related to human services you’ve go to take that flight attendant approach. If you’re not breathing, how can you help others breathe?


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Another goal is to get rid of major doubts that I’ve had in myself. A lot of us walk around with our heads held low, and our eyes simply staring at the surface. Why are you holding your head down when there is so much beauty around? I remember as a kid there was a phase where I would literally walk with my head down for a while. It’s a strange memory and I can’t recall exactly at what age this would happen but I do remember it vividly. Anyways, when I think about it I’m more than sure it is because my self-esteem was extremely low. Academically I was doing amazing but physically I felt awkward and out of place. So rather than looking at the beauty around or within myself I focused on the surface. But, what I didn’t know was the peace, joy, and gift that existed within me. Those same qualities exist in you as well. You’ve first got to believe it!


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Why are you holding your head down when there is so much beauty around?

While the world is buzzing with craziness all day, every day we can get caught up in the negativity of it all. A lot of us already have that negativity brewing inside of us due to past issues, past pain, and past betrayal. So keeping up with all of the current events can actually be a form of self-harm when it comes to how much of it we take in. If you are reading this, I want you to do yourself a favor: TURN IT OFF! Give yourself a break from it all.

We’re always so worried about our phones dying but so many of us aren’t taking note of our souls dying every day. Our spirit is being weakened day by day from the negativity it is exposed to but we’d rather make sure our very expensive smartphones are constantly plugged up. Well listen up, you need to give yourself that same energy. You are just as valuable as and even more expensive than any piece of electronic. So you owe it to you to recharge.

In the spirit of my former life as a teacher, I want to give you some homework.

Homework

1. Be consistent with fueling your battery/energy

This will look different for everyone. Fueling your battery might be watching mindless TV reruns, binge watching, reading, writing, praying, and watching self-help videos. Whatever it is that helps you to fuel up then that’s what you need to be doing.

2. Hold your head up! (Physically, mentally, and spiritually)

If you feel yourself shrinking to let others feel comfortable when you are around then that’s a major sign of you holding your head down. It is okay to take up space and be you. Find what makes you feel elevated mentally and spiritually. I truly believe the two are intertwined. For me it looks like prayer, meditation, self-help articles, videos and books. I stay plugged into personal development lessons throughout the week so that my head remains high.

3. Take a moment away from electronics, everything and everyone

You know what this means. Yeah put it down, give it a break. Now!

….but before you do that, take a look at this video I found while searching up images for this post. It’s a short but impactful clip from a young motivational speaker named King Nahh

Live Your Best Life RIGHT Now!

inspiration, inspirational blog, inspo blog

#ThrowbackBlogSeries

DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

For your listening pleasure:



Throughout this past year I’ve been on a self discovery like no other. I’ve learned to appreciate and see value in parts of my life I had once never seen. I’ve learned the true power of positive thinking and activated the law of attraction into my life. There’s so much more I could dish out to you about my improved mindset but I want this to be about you, splendid reader.

If you can allow yourself to get caught up in some of the atrocities of this world it will hinder you from a lot which is why learning how to focus more on the positivity that exists is so important. Of course there are times when we need to address issues for what they are but don’t forget to embrace the blessings, big and small.

Just last month I visited Mexico and as mentioned in my last Focus Friday Post I lost my wallet. Unfortunately I went crazy for about two days straight thinking it was left at the airport there but the following Sunday night I received an email from the airline that it was actually found at the airport back here in the states.

You see, when I focused all of my energy on the issue in that moment it wasn’t at all helpful. I did what it is that I needed to do which was follow proper protocols such as filing a report and such. However, even after doing all that I still felt the need to panic as if that would make it all better. Well, it didn’t but you knew that splendid reader because you are super smart (hence how you stumbled upon this blog and this post).


I want to keep this short and sweet for you so I need you to pay close attention here. Our energy in life is extremely sacred and it is up to each individual to be safe keepers of their own energy. When we allow ourselves to exert so much energy and devote copious amounts of time in the direction of what we don’t want, then we are preventing good things from coming our way. For some folks this idea is called “blocking your blessings,” or for others they say “you are getting in your own way.”

“Our energy in life is extremely sacred and it is up to each individual to be safe keepers of their own energy.”

With all that said, I realized that in the moment that my wallet went missing I immediately blocked the blessing of its return to me. I panicked, freaked out cried, and kept calling the airport back in Mexico. I even made a whole list of numbers to call from both airports. I googled the different department numbers and such. Granted, yes it made sense to reach out and make reports. However, when I look back on the way that I went about it, I became obsessive.


By the time Sunday evening came around a few days after I lost my wallet, I had already settled into the idea that finding it was no longer a concern. I came to terms with the fact that after all the wallet and its contents are replaceable. So in my mind I remained hopeful but also realized excessively ruminating on the matter wouldn’t do me any good. Thus, I allowed the universe to bring me whatever it was that I had manifested through previous good deeds and actions towards others. There have been several times throughout college where I found lost student ID’s and I immediately found a way to reach out to these individuals. Then during Mardi Gras this year back in New Orleans a man had dropped his license and I automatically picked up trying to find a way to get it back to him. Thankfully he had already started to walk back towards the area he had lost it. Of course on all of these occasions I was thanked abundantly.

“So in my mind I remained hopeful but also realized excessively ruminating on the matter wouldn’t do me any good.”

While this may sound bizarre to some, I truly do believe the universe and God blessed me enough to find my wallet. Rather than sitting around solely concerned with how life could get better for me, I allowed it to simply get better as a result of what I had already worked for. You see, living your best life isn’t about working yourself to the bone in an effort to make it. Don’t get me wrong, there is work to be done but you need to know when it is time to sit back and receive what life has in store for you.

So now, splendid reader tell me again what is holding you back from living your best or most splendid life? Are you blocking your blessings by thinking too much about how to get those blessings in the first place? Are you focused on the wrong things or consumed in negativity?

“You see, living your best life isn’t about working yourself to the bone in an effort to make it.”

If you are consumed in negativity, it is important for you to think of ways to remove yourself from that space. One of the ways I did so was by taking a social media hiatus from specific sites that usually put me in a troubled mindset. One of the ways I’ve allowed blessings to flow straight to me is by doing the work and moving on. Once you’ve done what you need to do for a situation it is okay to move on (i.e. my wallet story). In essence, as cliche as it is, I have been the sole blessing blocker of myself by focusing my energy in places that it didn’t need to be.

Nevertheless, in order for you to live your best life you’ve got to put yourself into that mindset first. Being consumed in negativity, being caught up with people who hold you back or in circumstances that stunt your growth is not the way to live your best life.

Today’s Takeaway

  1. Our energy is too sacred to continuously focus on what is troubling us, so focus your energy more on what you want versus what you don’t want.

  2. Do the work and move forward which will allow the blessings to flow your way.

  3. Remove yourself from negative situations as much as possible (i.e. people, jobs, social media etc).

  4. Be prepared for blessings.

Serenity, Smiles, & Positive Vibes,

Just Sophonie

Sometimes Life Sucks but…

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#ThrowbackBlogSeries

DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

…here’s how to make it suck less.

Yeah, yeah I know this blog is meant to uplift people and inspire them throughout their day BUT I feel I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t offer up some raw unedited feelings from time to time.


I've discussed this in previous posts and I'm sure I'll do so in more posts. However, it's been on my heart lately. Dealing with depression as a writer & creative is seriously draining to my art. Depression for anyone I'm sure is draining but as a writer we get a lot of our best work done in times of solitude. This need to be alone can appear as if we are pushing others away and sometimes that can be the case. However, there are other times when we simply don't want to burden others with our feelings of depression or simply can't bear to be around others. I know that sounds like a lot and well that's because it is. - I for one appreciate being alone or in my own space more than anything just because of who I am overall. In fact, if I had a mansion to myself & I had family or friends over from time to time, after a while you would probably find me chilling in the guest house on my lonesome to get a breath from others. But that is just my introverted nature to do so. Perhaps that also attributes to my depression but we can talk about that another time. 

I’ve discussed this in previous posts and I’m sure I’ll do so in more posts. However, it’s been on my heart lately. Dealing with depression as a writer & creative is seriously draining to my art. Depression for anyone I’m sure is draining but as a writer we get a lot of our best work done in times of solitude. This need to be alone can appear as if we are pushing others away and sometimes that can be the case. However, there are other times when we simply don’t want to burden others with our feelings of depression or simply can’t bear to be around others. I know that sounds like a lot and well that’s because it is.

I for one appreciate being alone or in my own space more than anything just because of who I am overall. In fact, if I had a mansion to myself & I had family or friends over from time to time, after a while you would probably find me chilling in the guest house on my lonesome to get a breath from others. But that is just my introverted nature to do so. Perhaps that also attributes to my depression but we can talk about that another time. 

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and personal development. One of the recurring themes is that “we control our lives, moods and emotions.” To a certain extent I do find this to be true. Often times it’s our reaction that causes more stress than anything. However, I feel like a hypocrite when trying to adapt these ideologies to my life when I’ve suffered with this since I was at least 11 years old. Now what triggered the onset is debatable and I’m not sure that I’m ready to discuss that in an open forum as such at the moment. 

Often times it’s our reaction that causes more stress than anything.

Nevertheless, I’m writing this to say mental illness and true unhappiness is a complex problem that can’t simply be cured with some motivational quotes or phrases. The quotes I post on my blog, Instagram and Facebook daily are simply to spark something in people to make them feel good even if it’s for a moment. I just want others to feel good all the time when they see my posts. It’s impossible perhaps to always feel happy but to feel good, there’s always something that can give us that feeling even in times of despair. 

With that said, I understand that life can suck sometimes but honestly the best way to get over it, is to find something that gives you joy even if it is for a moment. Now this can get tricky and I don’t want people to think I’m advocating for bad behaviors. Some of us have vices that may bring us a good feeling but might not be as helpful to our overall well-being. So in that case, if you know that little thing that makes you feel good isn’t going to do good for you overtime, I urge you to find something else. 

Alright so let’s get into this here list (one of my favorite types of posts tbh).

I understand that life can suck sometimes but honestly the best way to get over it, is to find something that gives you joy even if it is for a moment.

1. Find your splendor


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So above this list I mentioned finding your joy or that thing that makes you happy. Honestly, I know that this can be difficult when you are sitting in your mess, your depression, your awful situation or whatever your problem might be. But, if for a few seconds, perhaps 15 to be exact you can think of what truly brings you joy and write that down. Try your best to find a way to get up and do that thing you love but if you can’t, at least think about it. If you love going for walks, eating ice cream or dancing. Perhaps, you are so down that you can’t even get up. Then think about it! Think about that walk. Think about dancing. Think about that awesome cone of Mint Chocolate ice cream you could be having right now.

2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings


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Often times all these happy-go-lucky posts online (including mine) try to shove happy quotes and thoughts down your throat when the truth of the matter is sometimes that shit just don’t and won’t work for you at the moment. This is when I say “FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.” That is the only way to truly get to the root of the issue. If you don’t feel the pain or the harsh emotions, how will you know what needs to fixed? A doctor can’t treat your bruise if it isn’t visible. Just like a dentist can’t yank your tooth out if you don’t first report that your teeth are in pain. Feel what you are feeling and get to the bottom of it so you can overcome this moment or moments of pain.

3. Remove your blinders


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When you are in midst, the mix and the very deep middle of your mess, you can be completely blindsided by that moment. No matter what people say to encourage may go right over your head. Every positive thought that comes to mind, you mentally swat away to enjoy your pity party. I am speaking from experience and recent moments in my own life. So if this doesn’t apply to you, please let it fly. But to my people who understand, listen those times can be hard as hell. However, we’ve got to learn to remove our blinders in that moment. We get so caught up in that pain that we almost allow it define us. That is not the way for any situation to get better. If you can’t see that there is more to life than that very issue that is making your life “suck,” how will you see the blessings coming your way? 

4. Embrace the current blessings

To continue with the last point, how can we see our current blessings if we keep our blinders on? Think about the things that you already have in life that don’t suck at the moment. Like I said, I know it’s hard. I really do but I also know that deep down inside we all know that there is at the very least one thing we can be grateful for. Look, I don’t care if your grateful for your big toes because they keep your body balanced or you’re grateful for one of your eyelashes because they protect your eyes. Find something to embrace as a blessing even in your moment of despair.

5. Do NOT get consumed in your thoughts 


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I can’t say this any louder or in any other way. When we allow our thoughts or feelings to consume us, our situation only gets worse. For example, not only is something awful already taking place but now we are reacting as if the world is over. Of course, you aren’t going to feel better. Granted, I embrace feeling your feelings but you know when you’ve allowed yourself to get consumed. That is when you need to pump the brakes and find a way to get your mind off of those thoughts. Don’t allow your thoughts to consume you, CONSUME them and discard them. You will win this battle but you’ve got to get in control of your reactions to your situations as well. 

So yes, life can suck sometimes BUT remember there are ways around that. I hope that this message has blessed someone as much as it has blessed me to write it. As always if you were moved and are now feeling splendid, please share it with someone else, comment, like and of course follow the blog as well. Have a splendid Monday and even more splendid week!

 

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,

Just Sophonie

 

 

Your Situation Is Not Your Destination

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I am going to keep this sweet, petite and straight to the point. While I do feel like I speak about this topic a lot, I think it is important to do so. Nearly every single week I hear from friends or even strangers online who talk about how they feel stuck in their situation. Hell, even I am one of those friends who feels stuck sometimes.

So, listen up my splendid friends, fam and followers there is no reason why you can’t elevate to the next level. However, there is also no reason to rush it. Life comes in steps, pieces and within the allotted time that it needs to. You have no reason to try to jump from building to building in hopes of leaping to your success immediately. I’ve talk about microwave success before, like in that one post I told you all to take life One Step At a Time

Nonetheless, we must remain guarded from these moments of impatience in life. Yes there are some situations that seem to go on and on forever. Also, there are some situations that I will be honest won’t quite fit with this post in itself. But, for the more minor situations where we feel like we simply aren’t getting what we want or fand never will, this post is perfect. 

“You have no reason to try to jump from building to building in hopes of leaping to your success immediately.”

One of the ways we actually become or remain stuck in life is when we start to believe that things cannot change. Our mindset plays an overwhelmingly large part in how we view our life. With that said, if your perspective is in a dark & gloomy state, chances are that is how things will continue to go. They say that your “Energy flows where your attention goes.” To paint the picture more clear for you, remember how on cartoons when a character was having a terrible day you’d see that dark rain cloud over their head the whole episode. Well, that is basically how our lives can be. When we become so invested in these feelings of negativity, the universe responds to that and I also believe God begins to truly test your faith here (for those who are believers).


Overall, the more we turn our attention to how bad things are, the more those problems are amplified. Of course, the pain may not automatically go away like an on & off switch BUT now you are experiencing these issues on a much deeper scope.

“Our mindset plays an overwhelmingly large part in how we view our life.”

While I understand it is hard to see past the rubble of life when you feel you are buried underneath it but it is worth it to at least try to focus on how you will feel once you are out of the situation. Once you begin to visualize and consider how good that will feel, that is when your faith begins to grow as well. It also helps you to pass the time while you are experiencing hardship.

Things to Remember

1) Don’t rush your situation, there are lessons to be learned even in the darkest of days

2) The more you focus on negative circumstances the more they are amplified

3) Consider how it will feel once you are out if it aka visualize

 

P.S. I know that these steps or words of advice are easier said than done. I’ll admit it is a process but it is also possible. So before you think this can’t or won’t apply to your life, try it first 

 

 

 

 

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,