self•lationship: solitude vol.2

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solitude vol.1

sol·i·tude

/ˈsäləˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

  1. the state or situation of being alone.

For your listening pleasure while reading:

Ladies how y’all doing? Fellas y’all alright? Just checking in real quick. It’s been a week since we’ve last spoken and to be quite honest, I haven’t been in the best mood lately. Last week was such an exhilarating high for me. Starting my business, and truly launching my brand.

But sometimes things simply go out of whack for various reasons. Either way, I’ve mustered up some strength to begin writing this.

Last week we discussed the meaning of solitude and the three principles of self•lationship. While reading over last Friday’s post, this line stood out to me: “Have you ever once considered how peaceful and full of love your life can still be even without a partner in the picture?”

I will explain in a moment why that line in particular stood out to me.

Growing up, my siblings and I were accustomed to attending damn near every single wedding in our neighborhood possible. My mother, the well known baker, cake guru and flower decorator extraordinaire would take all five of us sisters and sometimes our two brothers, to help her with events she was hired for.


One of the countless weddings we helped out at or walked in. Can you spot mini Sophonie?One of the countless weddings we helped out at or walked in. Can you spot mini Sophonie?

One of the countless weddings we helped out at or walked in. Can you spot mini Sophonie?

There I can always recall hearing love ballads from Celine Dion’s, “I’m You’re Lady, (The Power of Love),” to the soul soothing sounds of Kenny G’s saxophone. Haitians loveeed these specific songs and artists for whatever reason LOL. I mean they are great but at every single wedding you could expect to hear one or the other played.

Anyways, growing up in an environment where marriage seemed to be the ultimate societal goal or expectation can create this thirst within oneself to fulfill that. That can be good and very bad. Good because if that is what you desire, awesome. You can now work towards it and hopefully reach that moment.

Very bad because some of us then feel like every relationship has to lead to marriage. I’ve seen memes where people say, “If it we aren’t working towards marriage, then I don’t want it.”

Now I can understand that from the perspective of old me but new me not so much. Every relationship or friendship isn’t going to last. Some things do end even if we don’t want it to.

Putting that pressure on yourself or someone else, especially as women can often lead to some harsh repercussions later on down the line.

I believe that there is lesson to be learned in every connection that we form with other human beings. This is especially true when it comes down to more intimate ones such as with lovers, partners and spouses.


Now going back to the line mentioned earlier: “Have you ever once considered how peaceful and full of love your life can still be even without a partner in the picture?”

Being that so many of us feel pressured to find love to appease some form of loneliness in us or show off to the world, can that really be considered as a true desire for marriage?

Some people don’t even realize they are better off without a relationship or marriage until they are in one.

I say all this to say, finding your own true sense of happiness is important for taking any step in life. This can be applied to your career, social circle, and much more.

Find your inner peace before attempting to seek your outer piece. This is not one of those, “Love yourself first,” moments but rather truly learning to sit with yourself. Learn who you are. Learn what you like. Then go forward.

You may find that a traditional relationship doesn’t even work for you. Perhaps having multiple lovers is your thing or being a poly relationship is your thing. How will you ever know if you simply jump from person to person trying so earnestly to find love in others who may not even love themselves?

Search for peace in you. Work on that self•lationship. You deserve it.

Your Good Sis,

Sophonie

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